Relationship

I remember years ago my friend Cathie asked me why I was doing so much to try and help my grandmother, who really didn't like me at all.   We were sitting in her house in New Rochelle drinking tea.   And I thought for a minute and said that for me, it was better to be in relationship than not if it was at all possible.

That is still true for me.

What I have had to learn over all the years in between that conversation and today (32 years now or thereabout) is what a healthy definition of "if it is at all possible" might be.   In the process of learning about that I've learned a lot about what love really means.

One of the aspects of catholic spirituality that has great meaning for me is the Trinity -- One God in Three Persons.   However we want to name those three persons, the Trinity always calls us to an understanding that life is inherently relational.   It is also what I love about Buddhist "interbeing".   

What I've learned about healthy relationship is that there needs to be a strong, healthy "I" to be relationship, and there needs to be both reciprocity in relationship and respect.   A large part of that respect has to do with honoring other people's choices, even if they aren't what we would choose for them.

And now a little note about addiction . . . the last time I will even turn my attention to it in any way.   When a person is in the midst of addiction, there can be no reciprocity of relationship and no respect for another.   Any kind of addiction whether it is to alcohol, food, drugs, God, work, money, yada, yada, yada.   Addiction is a defense against life . . . a refusal to be responsive to our place within the larger life . . . a reason to have an excuse for everything and to never accept personal accountability.

So today I can find it in my self to honor the choices of people who choose addiction and bless them on their way. 

For myself I choose life, and as a consequence, deep relationships.

Donna