To Move as Spirit Moves You (Me)

I was talking to my friend Cathie the other night and we were commenting on the fact that this "blog" is starting out like a journal of sorts.  I realize that I am letting it take me where it will without really thinking about what next or planning to convey someting in particular.    And as I realize that, I am mindful of spiritual teachers that helped me to leave behind moving in ways that I think I SHOULD move, so I could move as spirit moves me.   That was in the 1990's and it was challenging -- very, very challenging.   One of the things they asked me to do was to pay attention to the language of my thoughts and speech and look for how much of it was conditional . . . you know, "if this, then that".   It was horrifying to me to realize that almost all the language of my thoughts and speech were conditional.   It seems obvious that if you really believe that life comes from Grace, that our life lives within the larger life of God, then conditional thinking creates a kind of block from being able to live with the resources available to you.   Obvious maybe, but it took a lot of discipline to change what had become automatic.

A long, long journey began of taking care with language -- evaluating what I think and what I say and examining the truthfulness of it.   I'm better at it now, but there are times I still have to force myself to pay attention, especially when I am tired, or feeling weighted down with obligations and responsibilities.   Which is how I've been feeling a lot for the past ten years.

Two events came together that created a "foreign" and somewhat stressful environment for me (okay friends,  you can laugh now).   My father died suddenly and it meant bringing my mother and brother to live with me -- both of whom were requiring a great deal of care.   And then I told a friend I would "help" him open a community Gallery and Coffee House in Arlee, thinking since he was retired he would run it and I would continue my consulting work and every once in a while change some art work over (okay friends, now you can BELLY LAUGH).

So after living alone most of my adult life, and working as a consultant from home with enormous control over my time, I began a life totally opposite - absolutely totally opposite.   Where time became a whip or a steamroller and there wasn't a moment of privacy unless I was sleeping and that doesn't count.

So here is a photo that says it all to me:

Do I hear laughter?   There I am in the main Gallery area working on my laptop with my apron on.

So now I get back to those wonderful spiritual teachers . . . . who said to me in 1992 that I knew perfectly how to move in response to obligation but that I hadn't really tried to move as spirit moves me . . . .and that I might want to try that sometime.

The reality is that my life is most rewarding and productive when I move as spirit moves me.  When I feel that the way I engage time is my own choice.   When I have plenty of time for the in-breath before I exhale.   When I have plenty of quiet, alone time.   Because I am primarily an introvert -- I ponder things in my heart in order to understand them and know them, and in order for inspiration to arise.   So how did I get into this life that is not suited to who I am?

Pastor Steve has me on his list for his morning reflections and he is amazing . . . I hope I'm not violating copyright by sharing a part of this morning's reflection that jumped out at me . .. "the heart does not choose a way by the road, nor the inns, but the love at the far end . . . "

So even though this isn't the life configuration I would choose, I realize that what the Gallery and the care for my mother represent are things that have love both at the far end and in the days themselves.

I have realized that I need to change how I engage both of those things in order to move as spirit moves me.   And so I have closed the Gallery between Christmas and January 4th (first time since we opened 8 years ago) to give me, and the space, a break.   Time for an in-breath.   Time to re-open in a new way that is more in keeping with what is truthful for me.

Not sure what the days will bring, but I can tell you it sure feels good to move as spirit moves me again - and to trust that I don't need to see the love at the far end -- I only need to trust that it is there and follow my thirst for it!

Blessings to everyone!

Donna